By Vivian Squire
The news in January from Wuhan, China about hundreds of thousands of people dying from a new illness called Covid-19 was a shock. It was hard to believe that so many people were dying across the world and in such a horrible way. The images on the television of sick people dying in stark, make-shift hospital rooms, attached to huge respirators was also very hard to bear. I could almost feel their pain, their fear and their panic. I prayed for them, hoping that somehow they would get through this horrible trial. News came out a few days after the pandemic hit China, that Covid-19 would be spreading around the world – it was unstoppable with no cure, or vaccine available. Horrible news to hear. I felt gripped with dread and fear. This triggered a memory I had about my late maternal grand-mother, Lillian Ross, who had survived the Spanish flu of 1918. However, her first child, Deirdre-Marie was not so fortunate – she succumbed to the disease at the age of four. My grand-mother was heartbroken. My grand-mother also lost her first husband in the First World War. Two huge losses in a short time. She met my grand-father, Rolland Montague Squire five years later and they fell in love and got married. Lillian had four children with my grand-father: my father, Monty Squire and his three sisters Dorothy, Helen, Elizabeth. My grand-mother had a good family life, however, she never fully recovered emotionally from the loss of her first child Deirdre-Marie. The loss of Deedee Marie (her nickname) left a scar on Lillian's psyche that never really healed. Lillian consoled herself with her Catholic faith and community, as she cared for her new family. I never met my grand-mother, as she died suddenly at the age of 56, but my father's stories about her life made me feel that I knew her in some way. In Mid-march of 2020, the Covid-19 virus hit Montreal with a vengeance. Lock down of the city would soon follow on March 27. The hospitals were already full of patients succumbing to the illness. Long-term care facilities were being hit the hardest. Fear and dread took hold of everyone, including me. I was starting to understand the terror that my grand-mother Lillian had lived through 102 years before. It was a sort of déjà vu, even though I had not lived through the Spanish flu epidemic of 1918 personally. I was hopeful, however, that things would be different for me compared to my grand mother's experience. After all, modern medicine has made huge advancements since that time. However, despite these advancements there is still no cure for Covid-19 and no vaccine available. Now the mad scramble has already begun with doctors and scientists from around the world racing to invent a vaccine. The clock is ticking, as the second wave begins here in Montreal and around the world, and the number of cases of Covid19 is rising ... How have I managed to cope with this pandemic, compared to how my grand-mother Lillian coped with The Spanish flu? I too have turned to my faith – the Jewish faith in my case. How does this help me to cope and deal with the fear, stress and uncertainty of these difficult times? I have a wonderful rabbi, Rabbi Boris Dolin as my inspiration and my teacher. I connect on Zoom with a warm community of people who have so much wisdom and life experience to offer. I have the Torah and the Talmud and countless Jewish texts and teachings to learn from and strengthen my hope and determination to get through this crisis. Many Jews have dealt with terrible loss and adversity in the past, and they overcame it, against all odds. I have hope and faith that I can do the same. I don't know for sure what will happen – I am not a fortune teller, but I can use the “tools” at my disposal to improve my chances of surviving and thriving. Besides the Jewish faith and community, I have also learned to appreciate the simpler things in life, since this pandemic began. I go for walks almost everyday in my neighbourhood of Snowdon and in my community of Côte des Neiges. I also take occasional walks in Westmount and Downtown. I am much more aware now of the people I see and who I talk to everyday. I often take these walks with my partner Barry Nadel. We have grown closer as a couple talking about everything from news, to Jewish holidays to art and politics. We walk together like two soldiers in the battle of life … I notice everything now, when I'm out walking – those who wear masks, those who don't; those who look happy, those who look sad, or miserable. I see the little babies with their innocent joy and I see the teenagers with their hope and youthful energy; I see the middle aged people doing their best to cope with all of the pressures of work, family and finances and I see the elderly, bravely stepping out with their masks on, doing their shopping; or stopping for a coffee at their local café. Everyone seems to be holding on to some kind of normalcy, even if it isn't always there. I am also looking at nature in a different way now. The seasons used to come and go and I was often too busy with work, or volunteer endeavours to notice them. Now I am aware of everything that is happening in nature. I see the little sparrows, starlings, cardinals, bluejays and crows in my back yard everyday. I have been giving them seeds and small pieces of fruit to eat (grapes and blueberries). They are so energetic and joyful and they have no idea that a pandemic is ravaging the human race. They sing their beautiful songs and chatter to one another, happy to be alive and up in the lovely trees. I see the squirrels scurrying about the yard and playing with each other. They are starting to collect nuts and seeds to store away for the long winter ahead. The leaves on the trees are beginning to change into their beautiful fall colours of yellow, gold, orange, red, rust and much more. Nature seems to know just what to do at the right time. The sun rises and sets each day with its beautiful magnificence and the wind blows and sometimes the rain falls. It's all so rhythmic and harmonious, unlike the human world right now. I have grown closer to my elderly parents, Elizabeth and Monty Squire; but from a distance. I call them every second day to see how they are doing and have long conversations, mostly with my mother about everything from the pandemic to politics and home cooking. My father can only talk briefly, as he has dementia with aphasia. My brother Eric has been visiting my parents twice a week and bringing them groceries and medications. I have kept my distance, as I have chronic health conditions which make me vulnerable to Covid-19. I also live in a high-risk area, so I do not want to bring the disease to my parents on my clothing, or belongings inadvertently. It is strange not to physically be with my parents, but my need to protect them and myself is greater than my need to see them. My mother and father imparted great wisdom and life experiences to me over the years. They lived through the Great Depression and the Second World War. Life was not easy for them, but they somehow managed to survive and thrive. They grew up wearing second-hand clothes and eating root vegetables and fruit preserves in the winter. Oranges were a winter treat, which were hard to come by. Rationing happened during the War and butter, chocolate and meat were hard to find. My mother told me about her horror at the age of 13, over the dropping of the atomic bombs on Nagasaki and Hiroshima – she felt that this was a great crime against humanity. She also spoke of how she deplored the Holocaust and how the Jews and other victims were tortured and killed by the Nazi's. She taught me about social justice at a very young age. Since my father was a war veteran, he was able to receive free tuition from McGill University and become a Mechanical Engineer. My mother studied social work at McGill, working every second year at Eaton's Accounts Office to pay for her studies. Life was not easy for them, but they made the best of it and thrived and raised my brother and I. They were patient, determined and survived and thrived, despite the odds. These lessons I learned from them, help me to cope with the challenges I face today with a pandemic raging around me. I flash back now to the memory of my grand-mother, Lillian Ross and I tell her in my prayers that I will survive this pandemic somehow. I let her know that I have a new Jewish soul (I converted a year ago) and the experience and the wisdom of my Jewish fore-fathers to guide and protect me through this time of great trials and tribulations … and Hashem is with me always, showing me the way ...
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